Ho Ho Ho Ho!
There ain�t nothing more depressing than a pine tree
Gussied up candy canes and balls
Those carolers have kept me up for hours
It�s Merry Christmas seeping through my walls
Now I�m no wiccan commie or nothing
But there�s one damn holiday that I can�t stand
It ain�t Halloween or Thanksgiving or even April Fools
But it�ll surely make a fool out of every man
HA
If I ain�t drunk then it ain�t Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain�t hammered it ain�t hanukkah
And all you motherf***ers go to hell
If I ain�t cockeyed then it Kwanzaa
Joy to the world and jack and coke
If I ain�t drunk then it ain�t Christmas
Cause I never anything but broke
Now every year the malls are just a madhouse
Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles
Just the smell of Eggnog makes me vomit
And those colored lights are f***ing infantile
I think we collectively as the people
Should rise against this corporate jolly noise
And tell the world:
�Let�s buy some piece and quiet for a change�
Before we spend it all on f***ing toys.
HA
So if I ain�t drunk then it ain�t Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain�t hammered it ain�t hanukkah
Fa la la la la go f*** yourself!
If I ain�t cockeyed it ain�t Kwanzaa
Joy to the world of getting stoned
If I ain�t drunk then it ain�t Christmas
So leave this god damn scrooge the f*** alone.
HA,
MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!
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