New York, NY (Roadrunner Records) - We canvassed the web in search of comments about Roadrunner's latest signings, Dragonforce, and to be perfectly honest we were pretty surprised with what we found. Have a read below and don't ask us to confirm any of this...
- Little does everyone know, Dragonforce was the first metal band. Before Dragonforce, there was no metal. In fact, before Dragonforce, men lived in caves and hunted their prey.
- There are two types of metal: nu metal, and Dragonforce.
- A new study conducted by professors at Harvard University shows that Dragonforce is the only band worth listening to.
- During a show, Dragonforce once played so fast, the sound waves from the speakers ripped the skin off their fans.
- At another show, Dragonforce played so fast, they broke the speed of light, traveled back in time, and ripped a hole in the Titanic, causing it to sink. So now, before shows, Dragonforce's manager injects them with horse tranquilizer which dramatically slows them down in order to avoid such tragedies from occuring again.
- The originators of Sonic the Hedgehog got the idea for the name of the character from the second Dragonforce album, Sonic Firestorm. How this was done before Dragonforce ever formed has yet to be determined.
- When someone who hasn't heard Dragonforce asks you what they sound like, just tell them that Dragonforce is like Manowar (minus the loin-cloths and assless chaps, they're saving those for album number four) at 200 mph, times infinity to the bajillionth power
- As if Dragonforce isn't fast enough, they once played a show while addicted to speed...There were no survivors.
- Whenever there is a threat to our homeland security, the President calls upon Dragonforce to save the day. They arrive in a homemade jet called the Dragonheart, riding with fire burning hot towards the night sky, and use all their might to slay the terrorists and fly off above the winter moonlight...but not before getting boozed and gangbanging the first daughter.
- Herman Li's hair is so long, he once clothed himself with it and nobody noticed he wasn't wearing anything.
- Herman Li's hair is so long, his windmill headbang is considered a deadly weapon, and he is not allowed on airplanes.
- Herman Li's hair is so long, he can swing it around in circles and propel himself into the air.
- In the race between the tortoise and the hare, Dragonforce won.
- When Sam Totman entered a beer drinking contest, they declared someone else as the winner, but only because Sam had finished his beers so fast, no one could see him do it.
- Dragonforce is so fast, that one time their manager made them play a gig under water to slow them down. But his plan backfired, as the motion of their fingers caused a miniature tsunami that drowned all their fans.
- Whenever you hear the sound of thunder in the sky, it's not the weather acting up. It's Dragonforce performing a private show for Elvis. 'Cause Elvis is down with the D-Force.
- A revolutionary new dog whistle has just been released on the market. When you blow it, the sound of ZP's voice comes out.
- Dragonforce taught David Lee Roth how to jump really high in his music videos.
- "The Shredder" from the Ninja Turtles was obviously a fan of Herman Li.
- Leading psychologists have conducted a new study that has determined that exposure to Dragonforce's highly uplifting melodies at an early age has greatly decreased suicide rates.
- Dragonforce's music is like a conga dance: 1, 2, 3, and kick every other power metal band's ass.
- Every member of Dragonforce has special powers. Sam has Medusa pants. Anyone who looks at his white, skin-tight jeans is immediately turned to stone. Herman has the "power of hair" which allows him to fly and to eliminate inferior musicians from a distance. Dave kicks the shit out of people at a rate of fifty kicks to the face per second. Vadim's holy jeans are so mesmerizing, they stun his nu-metal enemies while he tears out every one of their veins and uses them as piano strings. ZP has the power of "balls in a vice grip" wich allows him to put his enemies' balls into a vice grip...
- When something is a little dull or plain, it either needs more cowbell, or more Dragonforce.
- Dragonforce steals the coins out from under children's pillows when they lose a tooth and blow it all on booze and hookers.
- The real reason Adrian left was because Sam was hogging all the beer and would attempt to do solos on ketchup bottles during gigs.
- In a race between a Ferrari and a Lamborgini, Dragonforce wins.
- The only two things visible from space with the naked eye are the Great Wall Of China and Herman Li's hair.
- Dragonforce tends to destroy all the buildings in which they play due to sonic booms.
- Ever since 1999, the year Dragonforce formed, sonic boom related deaths have risen tenfold.
- There's real music, and then there's Dragonforce. Dragonforce doesn't qualify as "real" music, because their skills are so godlike, their music couldn't possibly be created by man, and so it must be unreal.
- One time, Dragonforce played a gig near Mt. St. Helens in Washington state. A sonic boom from their speakers caused one whole side of the mountain to blow up. Little do most people know, that volcano was completely dormant.
- Historians made an important discovery this week when they discovered hidden documents from a thousand years ago, written by William the Conqueror. They appear to be part of his personal diary. In it, he writes his personal thoughts, opinions, and justifications for all of his conquests. He states that the true reason for his invasion of England was so he could go see Dragonforce.
- Chuck Norris listens to Dragonforce. 'Nuff said.
